...chances are that each of us knows at least one person who chooses to spend this holiday alone…
Winter Solstice Full Moon rising through the trees finds its reflection in Fisher Pond 12.21.18
For so many possible reasons people need alone time during holidays, and when we know of another who makes this choice- our need to understand ‘why’ can go on the back-burner until they are ready to share. but, if for some reason you find yourself thinking about a friend… rather than focus on their ‘alone-ness’ - reach out, to say hello. This does not shame you or make you responsible for inviting them to your dinner- a hello- I’m thinking about you means the world to another. And that hello could, very well, turn the tide of depression or line that pillow of grief with a bit of Love. and your heart shines a bit brighter for walking towards, rather than away. We, most times, do not know what is happening for another- and without questioning their story we can say- hey- I see you and love you for all that you are (when we can say this to ourselves- it is easier to share, truthfully, with another). Bringing a focus on the ‘alone aspect’ of their lives can be a burden of misunderstanding and muck up the whole interaction when all this friend may need is to be seen- in just that precious moment by you. Words don’t even need to be a part of the exchange.
I am getting more comfortable with my alone-ness during the christmas holiday. I have spent years feeling shame for this (often times unconscious) choice, for being ‘different’, for so many other reasons. I have wanted to write about it but stayed a distance from this for fear of ‘sympathy’ or the need to ‘fix’. The funny thing is that I spend a fair amount of time alone and never feel lonely, but the holidays have been a different journey. It’s like I’ve been wading through thousands of years of trauma and grief. Suffering that my ancestors inflicted upon others and the suffering I’ve inflicted as a part of my internal ancestral grief. Wading through this knowing- to land upon the soil of my Pagan Roots, to understand- more deeply- the marriage bond of my birth- back to a people that lived in a village- where I imagine there no separation between family and community- maybe a place where the two are interlocked like two circles- the space in the center is key to the health and resiliency of the village. That space in the center, the place where tradition is born resides there- naturally- all we need to do is see it. The tradition that I search for was handed down orally, and buried within the depths of a charred landscape. I feel these stories run deep within my blood, my heart and my understanding of this, when I am not afraid of what it may show, brings an invitation to listen, deeply. This takes a focus, which could be why the alone time is so necessary for me. It is important that I honor this time: an integral piece of self-care towards self-healing, ancestral healing and collective uprising.
When I think of another during this time, I have learned to reach out, because, truly, It is possible for self-reflection to turn into self isolation. In reaching out I can connect with another and if it is a relationship I genuinely feel safe in we can be mirrors for each other by listening and reflecting. The gem of this work is to understand myself more deeply and understand how I can be a vibrant part of my community. Where do I fit within the scope of this village... What is my offering? And sometimes the ‘village’ seems so scattered to the winds, with friends and family living so far away...
When I allow time for self-care, I can be more present with others. When I give time for winter walks amongst the trees, cooking savory meals, crafting medicinal remedies while tending the fire in my yurt, I am honoring creative inspiration that comes from deep within. Self-care is allowing for time spent reading a book that takes me to the edge of those depths so that I can explore possibility. A time of honoring the dark nights and soon… the light returning, as we are in that time of stillness that lays between the Winter Solstice and the first few days of January- a time of dreaming, an invitation to a time of potent visioning, a time of looking into the darkness to see the seed of potential . A time, allowed, for reflective words to honor this collective undoing- this village rebuilding, repurposing of ...turning a remembering into new traditions. a time so vividly ripe and it's so easy to miss the opening if…I am asleep.
This dark, fertile time within the folds speaks of a soil, lush and fecund- the perfect medium for seeds to be nestled into- quietly awaiting the message that it is time to burst forth with life! This time of stillness seems so, but the seed is being infused with the nutrients it needs to be strong in unsure times ahead.
What seeds are you planting in your dark fertile ground?
What connections will you nurture with a gentle hello?
May understandings run deep and fluid like the free-flowing River, may you walk in gentle power.
Linda Love Moore